In that state where…

… everything is numb, you’re just tired of life in general.

I’m at that point where I don’t want to do anything. Nothing at all. There’s a reason I half hate going on holidays, especially on flights, because after that my mind goes jet setting still while my body is back home. I’m in no mood nor position to face reality, & it’s back to work tomorrow.

For those who hadn’t known, I had been Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia on the weekends to meet my friend, sister & wife Yumna from Maldives, who I’ve known since 2006 (refer to previous picture post), & I the first & last time met her was in 2010, when she dropped off in Singapore on transit to Japan. It’s the same destination for her this time, except that her stop over was in KL, & I offered to fly over to spend time with the woman who I’ve talked to almost practically every day of my life since I’ve known her. 

As for the day in KL… I’ll let my pictures narrate it, & they shall be posted on Facebook. I’ll post a link when I get around to uploading them, probably sometime next weekend. 

I’m half still bothered at what Didier says. “I think it’s best we take this easy.” Yeah we’re not dating or anything, & I’ve talked to many of my guy friends about this, & it can mean 2 things- That he wants to get to know me better, or he’s just not into a commitment, i.e. not interested in a relationship. & the way he cancelled the last 2 dates this week because of work is making me antsy on the latter definition. He may be busy, or he may have lost interest & doing the avoiding thing, & maybe dating someone else/
I get so paranoid when people do the double meaning on me, because I can only process truth & honesty to something & if I find someone saying/doing something to cover up a self interest, I’ll lose every respect I have for them just because they’re not brave enough to tell the truth. 
Strangely he said he’ll still be around when I’m back from my trip, which indicates interest, yet… who knows. 

Convinced myself through talking to others that if I end up heartbroken or disappointed in any manner in this, it’s my fault, because there was never a black and white or concrete spoken confirmation that we’re an item, & he is pleased to do what he wants, as I am. Although I’m too blah about dating anyone else at the same time. It’s a free for all buffet, aye, but I’m just not that type to go on a multiple search just because I can, it’s unfair for all of them, especially those who do end up liking me for me & is interested in pursuing it further.
I’m still hell bent terrified of falling in love when the other party isn’t, & because I am they end up pulling my strings to make me believe they do like me.

Is why Didier & I got into a stalemate on this discussion on love. 

Most people would say that it’s easy to fall in love, but it’s hard to be in love. But there’s a group of people which easy to fall in love with anyone, but once they do, it’s their one & only until the other party gives up & lets go. I’m one of them who guards their heart in a steal cage until the right one finds the key after hunting high & low for it. 

 Either way, it’s time to take things one at a time, go by the flow…